There are many people in the world who want to lose weight. Before stepping on that path for the first time or the 30th time, here are a few things to consider.

First, what is your goal and why?

For example, in my 30's I had a goal weight in mind. It was a weight I had achieved for a few years between college and marriage when I was living on my own, working and had very few responsibilities. Fast forward to age 36 and 3 babies later and I was still trying to weigh that.

And because I didn't weigh that - I automatically judged my body as being unacceptable without actually considering how it felt to be in my body or how my body functioned.

So what is your goal? When did you set that as the goal? Who and what influenced your decision? Why do you think it's something you need to do?

The point is: Something or someone has influenced you in your life to think that you need to change your body right now. Before moving forward, try and get as crystal clear as possible as to why you have the goal that you have.

Second, how realistic is this goal? How long have I been trying to achieve it? How much effort will I need to achieve it? What exactly do I think it's going to take? Has it worked before? And then what happened? Why do you think that happened and how could you be wrong?

The point is: We often try the same thing over and over again because we haven't stopped to consider how it's working or how we are enjoying the process. We spend decades trying to lose the same weight. We use the same process over and over - eating less and moving more, it just takes on different names and different forms (keto, paleo, fasting, HIIT, crossfit, lifestyle change, clean eating).

It's all the same and we beat ourselves up over and over for failing and not doing it right when we lose and gain and lose and gain or never lose quite enough.

Third, when I achieve this goal, what will be different? What will I have then that I don't have now and why is it important to me? Are the things that are important to me external or internal?

The point is: We often put weight on a pedestal and think that the perfect weight will solve all of our problems. Our careers and our relationships will resolve.  We will no longer be bored, we will like people we didn't like before, and we will know exactly what our life purpose is and how to go about achieving it. The pressure!

It's no wonder we keep trying over and over and doing the same things. It would be wonderful if losing weight could solve everything. And yet - the truth is that weight has nothing to do with the majority of things that are causing us pain and suffering in our lives.

Our perceived issues with weight just become the main event that everything else can hide conveniently behind.

Fourth, let’s go back to the plan. How do you plan on achieving your goal? Are you planning on cutting out foods? Restricting yourself? Going to the gym more often? What are you going to rely on to help you choose the foods you eat? What will you do if you don't stick to the plan?

The point is: We often jump into these plans by picking something outside of ourselves and trying to stick with it. We don't ask ourselves what we like to eat and make sure that is in the plan.

We don't allow ourselves to eat when we are hungry. We don't have any fluidity or flexibility to ebb and flow with the inevitable stresses and changes that life brings us.

It has also been proven time and time again that this type of intentional weight loss rarely works in the long run and decreases our quality of life overall.

The only constant is change so we had better find other ways of dealing with change than just telling ourselves to do try harder next time. We also tend to want exactly what we tell ourselves we can't have and so cutting out foods makes those foods even more enticing.

We set unrealistic goals that may work for a while but are ultimately unsustainable. Why do you think everyone gets that gym membership in January and is done by March if not earlier?

Fifth, what are you taking for granted right now about your body or in your life?

The point is: We are often so focused on what is "bad" or not working or painful, that we forget to enjoy the beauty and the joy that we have in our lives - big or small. This is human nature - we evolved to be aware of danger and to focus on it until it goes away. 

These days perceived danger is everywhere (but is it real danger?) and we don't often give ourselves a break to focus on joy.  We actually have to make a point of doing so.  What is working in your life right now and what feels good? How can you invite more of that in?

 Sixth, now take a moment as well to ask yourself, if nothing changed from today, what do I like or love about myself right now anyway? What would it mean if weight loss didn't happen for me?

The point is: If you can't answer this question or it would scare you to have to stay right where you are - then I can just about guarantee that anything you try is going to fail. Maybe not right away but eventually. This is actually a key step that most people miss or never realize how important it is.

START WITH THIS STEP before you do anything else. Before you diet, or give up dieting; find a book, blog, podcast, friend, mentor or coach who can teach you what it means to practice self-care and self-compassion and why it's essential to your overall health and well being and is way more important than your weight.

If I could take myself back to my late 30’s,  I had three young kids and a house to help run. I had a career that I didn't enjoy and didn't want to go back to. I had completely forgotten how to have fun or what it means to play.

Life was a constant push and pull between restriction and rebellion. I didn't actually know what I even wanted in my life. I had been following the path of "shoulds" for so long or the path of "that's what you are supposed to do".  I had a sense of self but it was buried deep and I had few tools to help me dig it out.  

So I dieted. And every few months it was a new plan or a new diet or I was buying a new piece of workout equipment. It served a great purpose. It took up my time and gave me a mission and brought hope and joy and satisfaction into my world every few months as I stopped and started and stopped and started with each new plan. 

What I didn’t realize is that the hope and joy came from doing something new more than it came from how my body looked or felt.

What I wish I had at the time was something or someone to help me unearth what it was I was really looking for in those diets.  I wish I had a community of women to envelop me in their fold and show me how unique and different everyone is and everyone's body is and that we are all worthy no matter what we look like or how we act.

Some people are naturally bubbly and friendly and some are naturally quiet and serious and no one has to be like anyone else.

I wish someone taught me to celebrate what was going well in my life and to go ahead and feel whatever I was feeling about what wasn't going so well. I wish someone taught me that I have choices and that there are endless possibilities in life and how to get comfortable with the unknown and the chaotic.

Nothing is good or bad and everything is here to teach us something new.  I wish someone had taught me about choosing love over fear and how to surrender and let go of expectations and judgment.

If you are stepping on the path to peace with food for the first time, please know that this is about so much more than food and you will be making peace with your whole life.

And yes, it's going to feel uncomfortable as does everything new that we begin.

Of course, you will also always have the choice to go back and do what you were doing before, but something tells me you aren't going to want to.

If I can help you in any way on your journey, please reach out and let me know, I'd love to hear from you and be part of your community of women who are going to celebrate you as you learn how to have your own back and to shine your own light. 

You are loved, you are worthy, you are enough and you are infinitely resourced and capable of creating a life you love.