Did you grow up despising or disliking your body? Did your parents like their bodies? Have you spent years and perhaps decades (like me) trying to change your body? How do we make sure we do not pass our harmful limiting beliefs and attitudes on to our children?

Or, if thinking about your body negatively has never occurred to you, but it seems to be happening to your child, what can you do?

It is natural for teens and young people to feel somewhat awkward and uncomfortable in their bodies and in their lives as they attempt to make sense of the world and figure out their place.  A certain amount of discomfort is constructive in that it helps us decide what we like and what we don't and how we want to feel and who we want to surround ourselves with. 

Feeling bad is not bad.

It is NOT natural, however, for a person to spend decades and hundreds if not thousands of dollars in an effort to change the size and shape or appearance of their body in order to fit in. This is dysfunctional. I know because I did this and it doesn't feel good even when you feel like you are succeeding.

Here are 10 things you can do to help your child be more comfortable with their body.

1. Get comfortable with your body. Do the work it's going to take to be able to model genuine appreciation for all that your body does for you. Because of deep-seated cultural fears, it's understandable if you still want to change your body, but it is not understandable to treat your body with anything but respect. You might want to read this - it's a holiday blog but it applies year-round when it comes to diet talk around the dinner table.

2. Understand where your fatphobia may have come from and learn to recognize it in the world around you. Recognize diet mentality for what it is as well, so you can call it out when you need to. Commenting on the size of someone’s body or what people eat is an example of your own internalized fatphobia and diet culture.

3. Advocate for your child with medical professionals. No one should ever mention weight or BMI or going on a diet in front of your child. The American Academy of Pediatrics says so itself. If you think your doctor might say something that is going to be a problem, take them aside before the appointment and let them know your expectations. I did this with my pediatrician and she said "are you kidding? I've seen enough eating disorders come through these doors to know better than to mention diets and weight loss to a child." I could have kissed her.

4. Look into how to feed children in a way that helps them develop into "competent eaters". Ellyn Satter is one of the main resources I recommend to parents. In addition, check out Leslie Schilling and Katja Rowell if you are looking for more resources.

5. Incorporate body positive and diverse bodies in the books you have lying around the house. Look here for a comprehensive list of suggestions. This one is particularly good.

6. Comment and call it out when you hear things that are fat-phobic or suggest that being fat is something shameful. Silence is complicit in allowing fatphobia to continue.

7. Keep an eye on who your kids follow on social media and make sure it includes a wide variety of bodies and perspectives.

8. Sprinkle in comments here and there about appreciating what our bodies do for us and hold back the praise that is all about what your child looks like. People haven’t done anything special to look the way they look. Check out this Ted Talk by model Cameron Russell to understand more about why this is important. We are born with a certain body type and appearance - it's not an achievement and doesn't make you better than anyone else if your body looks a certain way.

9. Help your kids develop a growth mindset where resilience is the name of the game. Our world is complex and avoiding stress is not possible. Avoiding judgment and criticism is not possible either. It's what you do after those things happen that makes a difference. Here is a great book on growth mindset for kids.

10. Last - but most importantly, love your child unconditionally. They do not have to be conventionally attractive, or a certain body shape, size, gender, sexual orientation, height or intelligence level or have any specific talents to deserve being loved for exactly who they are and loved for simply being on this planet. Let them know that you have their back even if no one else does. ESPECIALLY if no one else does.

Are you ready for more freedom, joy, pleasure, and self-acceptance in 2020? If you need some help yourself on number (1) above and in finding peace with the body you have, sign up here for a free 30-minute call.