Congratulations! That is so exciting that you have chosen to leave diet culture behind and repair your relationship with food and body.  Bravo to you. This work takes courage and strength.

To help you on your way, I wrote this post to give you some support as you head into the holiday season.

If it's the first time you are seeing family and friends since you gave up dieting, it can be intimidating and uncomfortable, it can also be incredibly freeing and exhilarating.

Here are a few things you can do to navigate those first few holidays.

First, set an intention. Start by imagining the family gathering and who will be there and pick something to focus on that you want to experience that day or something that will be the touchstone or mantra of the day. 

For example, I would say to myself "I intend to focus on the love and gratitude I feel for having a place to celebrate" (or for having a hot meal, or for having a body that is able to show up, or for having shelter, or for having clothing).

You can set an intention to laugh. You can set an intention to be compassionate. You can set an intention to advocate for yourself. You can set an intention to support a spouse or loved one. You can set an intention to be nice to a challenging relative. You can set an intention to notice how you feel about eating and you can set an intention to welcome whatever happens.

Pick something that feels easy and light and is aligned with your values.

Next, make sure you have something to wear that is comfortable and as fun or fashionable as you want. There is nothing worse than tugging at an ill-fitting shirt or pants when you are already feeling anxious or uncomfortable.

Also make sure that you are getting enough sleep before and after the holiday. Try and make sure you have some downtime to do exactly what you want to do after the holiday if you know you will be feeling drained and exhausted.

Decide how you will deal with comments if your family says something to you about food or your weight. Often, we have been dieting for years and so our families are used to asking us about it or making comments.  They generally mean well. Have a plan that feels good and then feel free to ditch the plan if you find it's not going to feel good at the moment.

 So you might decide that you will not talk about your food and you will leave the room if people start to talk about dieting. Or you might decide that you will share what you are doing with a few trusted people. I've had some clients who also state their feelings before the holiday and use Linda Bacon's letter to families which is a great idea.

If your family member responds with cruelty or by mocking you, it is not you that is the problem in this scenario, this behavior only tells you that they are hurting and could use their own dose of self-compassion and acceptance. And you also just might find that your family member surprises you and meets you with understanding and love. Often the stories we make up in our heads are 1000 times worse than what happens in real life.

In addition, if you project an energy or love, acceptance and compassion, you are more likely to be met with the same than if you project an air of hostility, defiance, and rejection. When you are unapologetic, people are not likely to press you or argue with you.

If you get into a conversation and aren't quite sure how to talk about what you are doing, you can always postpone the conversation by saying - "hey I'd love to talk about this some more and I have some great resources I can share with you but I don't really want to talk about it now, I'd like to relax and enjoy the day."  At that point, you can change the subject (and email me for some resources!)

Make sure to do some deep breathing before your interactions as well and invite love into your heart for whatever it is in your life that you love. Then, anytime you start to get agitated, you can excuse yourself to the bathroom for some more deep breathing and heart centering.

To heart center yourself, you put your hand on your heart and tell yourself, "I know this is hard but I am here for you and I  am going to be ok and I am loved."  The Universe always loves you no matter what.

I used to think this sounded really dumb and could not possibly be helpful until I realized it’s probably one of the most helpful things you can do. Heart centering allows your nervous system to relax and when it does, not only do you feel better, but you are able to access deeper resources of compassion and understanding for yourself and others.

You can also set reminders on your phone to go off saying "You are loved" or whatever your favorite saying or mantra is that is going to make you smile or feels like you have an ally supporting you.  You can also carry a small stone in your pocket or wear a special item of clothing or jewelry to remind you that you have your own back and you are powerful.

I've had clients that also create a secret signal with a family member that just says - "I'm having a bit of a hard time" so the family member can intervene or respond with a signal that says "you are doing great."

You can also load yourself up with books, podcasts and blogs to read and listen to before and after and in-between all the socializing if you need a steady stream of validation and support for your choice.

Remember that what anyone says to you is only a reflection of how they feel about themselves. If they are mean, or worried and concerned for you - it is only because that is how they speak to themselves and they are full of fear. No need to pity them - but you can send them heaping doses of compassion, it sounds like they need it more than you.

If you are on this path to feel better about yourself and learn how to love and accept yourself then you already know the truth - that you are a unique and divine creation and are worthy of self-care and self-respect. Anyone who treats you poorly must not be as lucky to feel like you do.

And if anyone thinks less of you because of how your body has changed, then that is their problem, not yours.  They aren’t right and you have done nothing wrong. And if you don't like how your body is changed, have patience with yourself and know that there is much to learn from that discomfort and you are just getting started. 

That feeling of discomfort is actually a gift, asking you to explore acceptance and unconditional love and when you are able to put those in place, your life will open up in ways that you could never have imagined.

If you are feeling really adventurous, you can get curious along with your compassion. Huh - I wonder what is going on with Aunt Sue that she is being particularly mean and nasty this year? Or huh - I wonder why Uncle Albert's comments are really bothering me this year - what is he triggering in me that I can meet with compassion and let go of?

As for the food? This is probably the easy part compared to the emotions and navigating complex relationships. Again, curiosity and compassion will serve you well here.

Choose the foods that seem most interesting and appealing and take as much as you want. Know that you can go back at any time. If you eat until your stomach is uncomfortable, your body will know how to digest it and have you feeling like yourself again in no time. There is no need to beat yourself up or make a plan for any kind of compensatory eating. One day of eating or even a few days of eating is not going to kill you or save you.

Pay attention as you go and ask yourself, what tasted really good? What did I really enjoy? What was I aware of that I may not have noticed before?

This is an excerpt from my journal shortly after starting Intuitive eating:

Friday - the day after Thanksgiving.  I had a wonderful holiday.  I really enjoyed the food for the first time ever.  I wasn’t hungry for the appetizers so I didn’t eat any and when the meal came I thoroughly enjoyed it.  And I went back for some seconds even though I was full.  I didn’t really want pie either but it looked yummy so I had some. I heard my stomach for the first time on a holiday.  It was definitely full but I had none of that desperate need for food where your stomach feels like a bottomless pit and you can eat a whole wheel of baked brie by yourself.  What a lovely day. 

What also made the holiday from this journal entry different was I had several new interests that I was exploring and that added to the feeling of magic and excitement for the infinite possibilities and potential in the world. Life was not just about food and I was just starting to realize that.

At the end of the day, it's true, family can be a challenge. There is a shared history and old hurts and stories but also often a lot of misunderstanding. As children, we make sense of the world in the best way we know how but maybe we didn't really know why people said or did what they did and we may have made some assumptions or interpreted things a certain way.

I had the insight and realization recently that I always thought my dad asked me "are you going to eat all that?" because I shouldn't eat it. He often said it when I was eating ice cream. I took it to mean that I was doing something wrong if I ate it all. As a parent, as I gaze longingly at my children’s ice cream but am too tired to get my own, I realize that maybe he just wanted to finish it for me or have a bite!

So we might be walking around with some really old stories in our heads and in our hearts. Are you ready to lay them down? If not, that's ok.  It's ok to keep your distance from people who don't make you feel good, just please don't take it out on yourself or your body. 

You are here, you are worthy, you are human and you are loved. If you keep that in mind then I know you will do just fine.

Good luck, happy holidays and I'm here for you is you need extra support.

 Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash