It's not uncommon that what is coming up for my clients is coming up for me and coming up for many people in my world who I am having conversations with. 

I know this isn't an accident because we are all connected.  

What I am noticing right now is the tendency we have to ignore how we are feeling about something, consciously or unconsciously, and then blame something, totally unrelated, for how we feel. 

Let me give you some examples.

For myself, and for many of you as well I am sure, the holidays are a busy time. There are many things to check off the to-do list. I try to be very mindful of what really has to be done, what I can let go of or what I can ask for help with. 

However, I still also have remnants of the old programming that says - "make the list and stick to it and you cannot rest until you finish."  

So I go about my day, checking things off the list and for the most part it feels really good (because I have also learned how to let go of things that are not important and focus on what I really care about).  But there is always that one thing that I didn't really have to do and could have gone without. 

And it's always that one thing that puts me into a bit of a funk, whether it's resentment or boredom or frustration or annoyance - I have gone a bit too far with trying to cram things into my day.  

I recently had a day like that and it ended with me eating bread pudding and toffee sauce at 9 pm.  Sounds delicious right? And it was, but I wasn't really hungry and I ate everything I put in my bowl anyway. I ended up going to bed feeling like I just ate a brick and wondering what happened. 

As I sifted through my day for clues, I realized that I had pushed myself too far and tried to be the hero and get too many things done.  At the end of the day, I was tired and not very satisfied and looking for a reward and some excitement. 

I saw this same dynamic play out in several people around me this week as well. People working too hard or doing things they didn't really want to do and seeking solace outside of themselves in cookies or chips. 

I also saw people feeling stressed due to external factors and eating until they were uncomfortable. 

The funny part is that they then blamed the food as the problem and not how hard they were pushing themselves. 

Upon reflection, they saw how some form of stress was the root cause of the eating episodes, but because diet culture has us so filled with fear about eating, they still worried about the food and not the stress!

It's kind of backward and rather unproductive.

If you know you eat a lot when you are stressed, and then you tell me you feel your eating is out of control and you need to get it back in check, and it turns out in our conversation that you just gave notice at your job - um yeah - you might be stress eating! 

And stress eating or emotional eating is 100% ok! There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.  I am also not saying that we shouldn't eat dessert at night or that there is anything wrong with cookies. 

What I am saying is that telling yourself "no more cookies!" is not the solution when food makes you uncomfortable.  The food is a symptom of you not giving yourself what you need. 

The food is the behavior, but thoughts and feelings led to that behavior.

For example, one person I spoke with recently said sometimes they can eat a bunch of cookies and it's fine and no problem and a pleasant and enjoyable experience and other times it feels really gross and out of control. 

This is really great information!  What this tells me is it's not the cookies (the behavior) as much as what else is going on that makes them feel gross and out of control.

And how interesting that we try to control our food to get back that feeling of being in control!

So fascinating. Our minds and bodies are always trying their best to help us. 

What might feel better, however, is allowing and accepting what is happening at the moment. Acknowledging the stress, recognizing that your routine is off and then sending yourself unconditional understanding and compassion and support. 

Meet yourself where you are in the moment and let yourself off the hook that you are trying to hang yourself on. Eventually, you can get curious about the root issue while also knowing that with slowing down and stillness, solutions will come or it will work itself out without your even having to do anything.

The practice is to listen to what our bodies are telling us about all the things we are doing in our day and how are we responding? How are we talking to ourselves? Are we on auto-pilot and just pushing through? Or are we energized and engaged and trusting the process? 

For me really listening means I will let certain things go and/or ask for help.  I will also spend EXTRA time on things that feel good, like listening to music, a nap or coffee with a friend. There are always options and choices, and life is meant to be enjoyed. 

After that, I am creative and more productive and get more done in less time and everything that needed to get done still gets done one way or another.

When I got home from an appointment last night, my daughter had cleaned off the kitchen counters and was busy doing holiday decorating - something that had been on my list to do, and I didn't even ask. 

So as the holidays continue, please give yourself every ounce of compassion and understanding that you can muster. Whatever you do with the cookies is just fine and if they made you feel bad, when you have the capacity and feel curious, you can investigate any eating that makes you feel sick.

When it comes to food, diet culture has taught us to judge the food rather than seek to understand it.

So many of us are wandering around and blaming poor defenseless and delicious cookies rather than realizing what lies beneath the surface (again, consciously or unconsciously.) 

If this is a pattern that you feel like you are stuck in over and over again, and can't seem to find your way out - you can always book a free 30-minute call with me to see if coaching might help you gain clarity.  

Does our food need to look perfect? Absolutely not, there is no such thing.  That is a diet culture trap as well. Sometimes we will simply eat a lot of cookies and our bodies know exactly what to do to assimilate and digest and move on- there is nothing to fear. 

But if there is something your intuition is suggesting you look at, or if you feel a nagging discomfort, that's wonderful! Get curious! Just try not to blame the cookies! 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap. 

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