Hello! Before I forget, since it's that time of year again, you may want to share this blog post from a few years ago - Dear Family Members during the Holidays - which discusses what to be aware of with regard to body image issues if you have the pleasure of being able to gather with family over the holidays whether it’s in person or over Zoom. Caution: young people are listening when you fat shame yourself or others and it has a deep and lasting impact. 

In addition, I’d love for you to share this current post so we can keep forwarding the message of acceptance for bodies everywhere.

This weekend I am attending an online conference that has a powerful mission of inclusivity and safety for all people in the world, no matter what their gender, color, race, sexual orientation, or abilities.

I would like to add to that mission something that is not always said out loud but needs to be -which is the importance of including all people no matter what SIZE they are.

The interesting thing is that in these inclusive spaces, people don't always talk about size for a couple of reasons. One, because sometimes size is already included and it's a no-brainer, and two because sometimes people don't realize that it should be included and that it's not.

It gets interesting because even as people are filling their hearts with love and acceptance for their sexual orientation or gender, they are judging their bodies. This happens in the LGBTQ+ community all the time. It's so interesting to me to see that paradox.

At the same time, I totally understand. If you were being judged for something so integral to your existence as your sexual orientation and feeling like you don't fit in and even being persecuted for it, then you are going to double down on other ways to fit in and thus be an even bigger critic when it comes to things like your body.

But your body is also integral to your existence and that is why we need to add size to the list of things that people should be able to feel good about and embrace. I wish for a world where people feel safe enough to show up as themselves without fear of judgment or harm no matter what they look like.

I am not the only one with this vision. The hard-working people at ASDAH and fat activists worldwide are also are working tirelessly to advocate for the equality of people of all sizes. 

Acceptance from early on in our development is so essential. I can't tell you the number of stories I hear that start with "looking back, my body size was never actually a problem, but I was bigger than my peers and so I started dieting or always judging myself".

If we met bigger bodies with love and acceptance in the first place, I guarantee you we would not be dealing with nearly the amount of "not-enoughness" that we deal with currently.

We would not have nearly the amount of anxiety and fear and judgment about our bodies if all people could show up and be exactly who they are and if they were encouraged to be themselves from an early age.

I also can't tell you how many times a pediatrician has put a child on a diet for being in a bigger body and that child is now contacting me decades later because they are still unable to accept themselves.

It is no wonder to me that we all have tons of inner child work to do because those children were never taught how to love themselves.

Not only can they not accept themselves, but they have no concept of hunger and fullness due to years of overriding their bodies' signals. They don't know what they even like to eat and they are terrified of eating the wrong thing.  

Last, I can't tell you the number of people who have said they would NEVER treat another human that way, not their daughters, sisters, friends, or grandchildren, and yet they continue to treat themselves that way - telling themselves they are unlovable and not enough.

People don't always use that exact language to spread this message to themselves. It's not always that obvious or simple. Sometimes they tell themselves they are not worthy by staying in jobs or relationships that don't serve them.

Or they don't take the time to surround themselves with what lights them up in life. They double down on everyone else's happiness and put theirs last. It's all part of the trance of unworthiness as talked about by Tara Brach. 

How can we stop this from happening?  

What I would like to see as part of the big vision is instead of locking in on your body as the problem to be solved, what would it be like to commit to eradicating your own lack of unconditional love for yourself?

I guarantee that people will feel better, no matter what is going on with their body size.

We also know that this is actually better for people's health in the long run. Self-compassion studies and Intuitive Eating studies tell us that when we approach ourselves with care and kindness, we make the best choices for our bodies, not when we approach with rigidity and rules and dislike. 

The other reason I would like to see people focus on unconditional love and acceptance is that when you accept yourself, you are actually healing the world and bringing peace on earth.

You are clearing the collective consciousness of this insidious issue. You are stopping the legacy of shame being passed onto young girls everywhere when you stand up and practice loving yourself whether you think you are too fat or too skinny. 

That's HUGE! 

If you can't do it for yourself and your own well being, then please do it for the planet.

Self-love and acceptance are healing for you and healing for humanity. It's a win-win and it's a choice we all have the capacity to make.

Is it easy? Not necessarily. But how easy is constant dieting, counting, controlling, managing, judging, fearing, denying, and obsessing? What has that been costing you?

Would you rather put in the effort and have a huge payoff of good feelings or put in the effort to have more of the same frustration and pain?

Personally, I would much rather put my efforts towards my own liberation than my own oppression.  What about you?

It's ok if you have been stuck in this cycle for a long time. It's not your fault, you didn't choose this knowingly. It was thrust upon you by having a body in a world that doesn't accept all bodies and where it isn't safe for all bodies.

The collective needs to change and we can help by being the change that we want to see.

With the election coming up this week in the States - I'd love for you to consider what is going to get your vote? Love or fear? Acceptance or judgment? Liberation or oppression? Expansion or limitation?

I suggest you choose wisely because it's something we are all going to have to live with.

Image by Ben Kerckx from Pixabay