Every day I am on the lookout for what life is trying to teach me.

It’s a blessing to realize that there is purpose behind what happens in my day.  It’s not all just “stuff that is happening to me.”

This is actually one of my favorite things to do - to see how the Universe is always conspiring in my favor or in my client’s favor.

Sometimes the way we are being supported is not obvious and it may even look like the Universe is doing the exact opposite of what we want.

This weeks lesson for me came from the gym.

On Sunday, I tweaked my back doing a dumb bell dead lift.

The weights weren’t that heavy but as soon as I felt the flush of heat in my back, I knew something was off.

I finished the work out to the best of my ability, pushing myself but not hurting myself. And then I cried in frustration on the ride home.

You see, I’ve been trying really hard to get stronger at the gym. And here I was in pain and wondering if it was all worth it.

Why was the Universe sending me pain if I was trying to do something good for myself?

At first I thought maybe the message was to slow down some more. I had already slowed down A LOT over the summer, but maybe it wasn’t enough.

I was still saying yes to some things I’d like to say no to, for example.

For the rest of Sunday, I hobbled around and wondered what message the pain was trying to give me.

On Monday I realized that I had been criticizing myself at the gym for the last month or so.

I didn’t feel like I was getting stronger in the ways I wanted to. Meanwhile, my husband (who I convinced to join) was adding weights to his reps every time and getting stronger every day.

No fair! The gym was always my thing, and here I was bringing him to a gym FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER and it felt like he was blowing me away and I was getting weaker by the minute.  (Someone better Call the Wambulance!)

I also was judging myself for not being able to run faster or do some of the more difficult body weight exercises.

For a few weeks, I had been heading home in frustration more often than satisfaction at a job well done.

Believe it or not, THAT is why the Universe tweaked my back. It knew I wasn’t happy at the gym and was helping me get the hell out. It wasn’t about resting more or doing too much.

I did not have my own back! I was judging myself and comparing myself to others.
 

Right when I tweaked my back I remember looking across the gym at the trainer who was working out in front of me. (The one with the beautiful eyes.) He was facing my way and I remember thinking to myself  - “He’s looking at you - you better make this look good.”

And WHAMMO. Instant manifestation. The Universe took me out in order to help me stop feeling the pain of my own judgment.

Pretty cool huh?

I didn’t see this interpretation right away, (it’s nearly impossible at times to see our own stuff) but working with my spiritual coach Maureen helped me identify what was off. (By the way, Maureen is running her Effortless Enlightenment program in October. Stay tuned for more information in case you want to join! I just read a quote today that said, “The scientific evidence is clear that no medicine or intervention is more protective or healing for our mental health than spirituality “, and I could not agree more!)

What happened to my back made so much sense! I could see how I had been comparing to my husband and judging my own performance and instead of getting stronger at the gym, I felt weaker.

It wasn’t the gym that was making me weaker, or my body, it was my thoughts and feelings. I was destabilizing myself every time I stepped into the gym with my critical thoughts. No wonder it was my back that went out, as the back symbolizes stability and support.

I am grateful to have had this experience to see once again where my layers of judgment are hiding.

Once I saw it, I had a talk with my husband and admitted my jealousy, insecurity and comparison. That is not who I want to be. I want to support my husbands progress, not thumb my nose at him out of my own sense of unworthiness. (I’ve done that unconsciously for years and believe me, it does not build an intimate partnership. But more on that later.)

So this week I have been speaking to myself with more kindness and slowing down even more to take care of my body. I have rested and hydrated. I have used my essential oils, taken medications if it was helpful and slowly stretched my sore muscles.

I spoke with my husband and vowed to be more supportive to us both. It’s not a contest.

Meanwhile, he bought me hot packs, rubbed my back, tied my shoes and cooked me dinner. He has always wanted the best for me and I have never been able to receive that.

On Wednesday I went back to the gym. I did slow stretching while my husband lifted weights and I rode the bike gently while he and the others in the class were challenging themselves. And I felt great! I did what my body needed and kept my eyes on my own paper.

I realized that not only did I not have my own back,  I was also thumbing my nose at the Divine and not trusting it to have my back either.

That is what is truly painful - leaving yourself without support and trying to make yourself feel better by bringing others down around you. That is what we call a lose-lose in coaching and I am all for the WIN-WIN!

I’m happy and excited today to have experienced this lesson this week and released even more layers of fear and judgment. I feel lighter and freer and happier than I have in months.

I hope this story is a good example of how the Universe is always conspiring to help us and bring us what we want.  It got me out of the gym because the gym was causing me pain. But I WANT to go to the gym, so my commitment now is to be my own cheerleader and celebrate everything I do, no matter what.

When we support ourselves with compassion and unconditional love, that is when we thrive. Not when we judge, fear and try to control and micromanage our every move.

Here’s to sweet freedom and I hope you can create a taste of that in your day today as well! (Need help with that? Send me an email and let me know!)