Elizabeth Hall Coaching

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A Reader Asks - Have I Been Duped?

And now for a reader question!

JB says that she let go of dieting for 18 months and her weight stabilized. She didn't have a bottomless hunger anymore and was feeling better but…..

"I recently got married and now I've put on a bit of weight, I feel more drawn to sweet things again and am hungrier like at the start. I know that the key to all this is acceptance rather than liking it but I have a whole new set of clothes that aren't going to fit me again if I keep going and why now!

Why am I putting on a bit of weight again now so long after the initial letting go? It's hard to 'trust' that my body can self regulate.  Will it stabilize or will I just go up another size! It's scary when I thought it was 'working'. 

I'm just so worried that it'll just keep going! I feel duped!"

Here is my response:

Hello JB!

Great questions! It doesn’t really matter why your body might be shifting, because if we think we have figured out what the answer is, then we will get tunnel vision and start focusing on how to “fix” it and we will keep thinking that A has led to B when we don’t really know for sure. So no fixing! There are many reasons our bodies change. The way forward is to:

(1) Remember that our bodies will shift and change as we go through life - usually in a 10-20 pound range but sometimes more or less. This could be based on the weather and the seasons for example. Or times of stress or illness or other life changes. It will ebb and flow naturally if we let it and stay out of the way. 

 (2)  Find ways to soothe and calm your nervous system. A new marriage can be stressful and emotions and stresses stay in our bodies until they are released. Sometimes we don’t even know we are having the emotions we are having. Our bodies might suppress them as unacceptable to express before we even get a chance to decide if we want to express them. And then the stress finds it’s way out and a part of you might decide that it wants more sweets because it’s not getting what it really wants or is not able to say what it really wants to say.  We all have an inner child or a part of us who is very demanding and most of us are completely out of touch with acknowledging that part and we “stuff things down.” Are you "in" your body? Or are you always in your head and trying to control your body? As for soothing ourselves, there are many ways to do this including breath work, meditation, acknowledging that part and the feelings we are having, EFT tapping, laughter, touch, and movement.  

(3) Building off of #2, go have some fun! The more we think and worry about these fluctuations and project into the future with our catastrophic thinking about things that may not happen, the more we stress ourselves out and buy into the idea that there is something wrong. Is there really anything wrong right now in the present moment? 

(4) If you want to do some deeper reflection  - explore the fear of weight. We all have some reasons that come to us off the top of our heads why we may not want to gain weight - but we sometimes need to go deeper and find the root of the fear and then soothe it or release it. What do you equate with more weight? 

(5) We want to strive for our love and acceptance of our bodies to be unconditional.  Conditional love causes tension and can activate stress hormones. Unconditional love can be hard to do but a spiritual practice can help with this.  A practice that assures us we are magnificent and worthy no matter what and that our bodies are wise and intelligent (and we are not just our bodies) and our bodies are always working for us and we don’t have to worry. This practice also helps us know that we are absolutely ok wherever we are and whatever is happening. Always. 

(6) Feeling duped also suggests you might be feeling antagonistic or resistant toward your body and wanting to control it.  How can you soften towards yourself even a little bit?  Your body just might want you to check-in and ask what it needs. 

(7) You also mentioned a fear of your body wanting to be bigger than you want it to be. This is where I would bring in a heart-centered visualization that "my body is always the perfect size for me” which will help anchor the trust that our bodies are wise and can be trusted and will help dissipate any fear.  

I hope that helps!

If you have questions like JB or are hearing some whispers that maybe there is more that you are ready to explore in your relationship with food and body, you can sign up for a free 30-minute call here.  

I'll be honest, learning to fully embody all the principles of IE and heal at a deep level is not always a piece of cake and is definitely not just about eating cake. As you can see from the above, our relationship with food and body is complex.  But peace, joy, and freedom are possible if you are feeling pulled in that direction and if you are ready and willing to do the work.