What Quarantine Fat Jokes Tell Me

I’d like to talk about a few things that I know people are worried about during the quarantine.

The first is people being worried about gaining weight during quarantine and the second is related and the other side of the coin - the idea of eating "healthy" during the quarantine.

Ok - so let's dive in.

As you know, body shaming ourselves or anyone else is never ok. But sadly, so many people think it is and that's why we have all kinds of memes about weight and fat and body sizes. People know not what they do.

Unfortunately, people don't realize that they are only hurting themselves with these memes.  I mean - why make fun of the very thing that you fear happening? What a pickle!

When you are afraid of getting fatter and then you make fun of fat people - you are only making things harder on yourself. So how about we knock that off?

Next, anyone talking about getting fatter during the quarantine is also basically admitting that they have an unbalanced relationship with food and body and they don't trust their body and they don't know how to feed themselves when at home alone.

This is not a judgment - it's just a fact for a lot of people. And if you haven't noticed by now, whatever issue someone had before the pandemic - they will experience with even more intensity during the pandemic.

These issues and fears were present before but maybe had been on mute and now they are on high volume.

So first and foremost - huge amounts of compassion and understanding if you are finding yourself at home and not sure what to do with your food.

Let's also not forget as well that food is a wonderful and easy comfort and coping mechanism when we are feeling fearful and out of control. We may be eating because we want comfort or we are bored and we may be restricting or eating - either one - to deal with feeling out of control.

Your body loves you so much and it wants to help you and it thinks it's doing a great job. So please, if you haven't already, take a minute and just tell it how much you appreciate it and how grateful you are that it is here for you.

Ok - so now then - we have a few different issues that are arising.

If you find that you are eating more than you wish you were, and it feels like bingeing or out of control - ok, let's look into that, but without judgment and without making grand plans I WILL NEVER EAT CHOCOLATE AGAIN I SWEAR. Ultimatums are not going to help.

Start by forgiving yourself, having compassion for yourself and reminding yourself that your behavior makes perfect sense. We are living through a pandemic for goodness sake. If all that happens is we gain some weight - then I would say things are fantastic and thank the universe for its abundance.

Next, remind yourself that this is going to end. And when it does, your body will adjust and go back to its routines and back to whatever weight it was at before. This is assuming you leave it alone and let it do its thing and assuming you weren't restricting heavily before. 

If you had already been restricting, then any weight "gain" during the quarantine is actually weight restoration as your body goes back to where it wanted to be in the first place. 

This situation reminds me of when people have weight changes due to the death of a loved one or a divorce or moving or a job change. Often the weight goes back to what it was after the disruption. We want to trust that our bodies will do the same in this case.

If you find your eating is really feeling out of control, again, it's a sign that maybe some other issues need to be addressed and might be an invitation for some journaling, reflection, talking to a friend or yes - even hiring a coach. That is what we are here for.

And likewise - if you are really tempted to restrict and be vigilant and have a plan - that is also a suggestion that there might be some underlying fear or discomfort that is wanting to be expressed.

When we feel comfortable and relaxed and at peace - our food is what it is and we don't think about it much and our bodies know what to do and we eat a wide variety of foods and some days we are up a few pounds and some days we are down and all of it is just a part of having a human body. 

And if all of a sudden you find you have a lot of time on your hands and you don't want to think about your job, loss of income, your spouse is driving you nuts, you are worried about sick relatives or any other stress that comes up - it makes perfect sense that you are going to want to distract yourself with food thoughts - through eating or restricting.

Please try to give yourself a break as much as possible. And as I mentioned last week - try not to compare your situation to anyone else's. You do you and let them do them.

And last - for those who are wanting to eat "healthy" and are stressed about that, I have a few words for you too. I recently saw a post from a health coach who managed to list every potentially unhealthy thing she had eaten in a week, talked about "the free for all being over" and wanting to get back on track.

This kind of hyper-vigilance suggests that someone might not be in touch with their body and why they eat what they eat and what the deeper meaning is behind the food. 

If you feel gross and want to change that, it makes sense.  But if you know exactly what "bad" foods you've been eating and are about to make a master plan out of fear of what might happen, that's when I would pause and try compassion instead. 

This coach also listed the top 10 ways to eat healthily (straight from the diet culture handbook) which included everything from tracking food in a food journal to not buying "junk" so you won't eat it.

Before we can choose how we want to eat, we have to really know deep in our bones that whatever we do is ok and it does not have to look a certain way and if the rules feel hard to follow then they may not be right for you. 

If people are already beating themselves up about how they are eating, then a lot of rigid rules are not going to help. 

This is an opportunity to get really curious. If anything, I would keep a feelings journal before I would recommend a food journal.

It's not that some nutritious food recommendations are wrong, it's more that we have to want to make those choices from a place of satisfaction and joy or else it won't be long before we find ourselves restlessly grazing for even more food or seeking out solace in other habits that may not be very life-affirming either.

Too many people in our culture are trying too hard to follow rules and "get it right" and that is often what leads to binges and feelings of guilt. 

So I'm going to say it again - the most important thing you can do is focus on calm and peace and relaxation and your food will fall into place. When you are full of fear and panic, adding fear and panic over how you are eating is not going to serve you. 

Pleasure, laughter, nature, joy, creativity, connection, sex, music, or anything that can help you connect with your deeper wisdom are the things that will truly nourish and support you during this pandemic.

Nutritious and delicious foods can be a big part of this true - as long as they don't come with the side dish of guilt and as long as they aren't coming from a place of should or fear.

And maybe you always told yourself you would eat "better" and move "more" when you had more time and you still aren't, even with all the time in the world. How INTERESTING! So this is not the time to beat yourself up for that and to feel guilty and try harder.

This is the time to get curious and ask questions and find out what is getting in your way and what thoughts and beliefs are actually driving your behaviors? What would you like to be different? And then what will happen?

This is such a fascinating time of exploration and growth and at the same time - it's perfectly ok if you are feeling totally unmoored and adrift. Let it all be ok.  What happens when you stop trying to change things so hard?

How does this land? Does it make sense? Is it helpful? Is this something you've been struggling with? Clearly - you are not alone. I am excited that people have this great opportunity to stand back and clear out some old patterns and choose which new ones they would like to take their place.

If this is something I can assist you with, please reach out and let me know.

My heart goes out to you all and I am cheering you on.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash