Why is Weight So Complicated?

One of the reasons that weight is so complicated is because we are all not supposed to be in the same size body.   We are all very different humans, with different experiences and lifestyles and backgrounds. We have different preferences, different desires, different goals, and different reasons for being here on the planet in a body. 

What makes us feel alive is different for everyone. Golf, ping pong, scuba diving, reading, cooking, I could go on forever.

Some people are in bigger bodies and they appear very much alive (I can't say anything for sure about anyone - only what I perceive to be true). I'm thinking about Lizzo, Sonya Renee Taylor, and Amy Pence Brown for example. They are doing what they were put here to do and it's a miracle to behold.  You can feel the energy of their aliveness in their work. 

Speaking of which, I highly recommend listening to this interview between Brene Brown and Sonya Renee Taylor. Brene's parts of the interview made me cringe a bit, but when Sonya speaks, you can tell she is connected to her soul's purpose. Her words have such a healing energy behind them and her message of radical self-love is one that we can't hear enough about.  I highly recommend reading her book "The Body is Not An Apology" as well.

Some people are also in smaller bodies and are very much alive. They light up a room with their energy and we are moved by their genius, whether they sing, paint, bake cookies or arrange flowers. They are living their purpose and lighting up the world.

Then there are people in smaller bodies who are not aligned with their soul purpose and who exude an energy of despair and desperation. Everything is a struggle and if there is a preoccupation and a focus on weight and body, it comes from fear and a lack of connection to self.

And last, there are also people in bigger bodies who are also not "tuned in, tapped in and turned on" to quote Abraham. And so they also may try to control food and body to fill the sense of emptiness they have that comes from not being connected to their own wholeness.  It's not their fault, it's what society has taught them to do.

These examples help to show us that it's not the body size that helps someone to thrive, it's the energy behind the actions that we take when we care for our bodies. It's the "who are we being" that is behind the "what are we doing".  It's our level of consciousness that impacts how we feel.

So when it comes to weight, you can be in a bigger body and be healthy, happy, focused, alive, aligned, and thriving. Or, you might not be.  And it's possible, that when you do get focused and aligned and feel alive that you end up losing weight.  Or you might not.  It's not true for everyone and it's not a requirement for happiness or thriving.

The mistake we make is when we focus on the weight instead of focusing on the aliveness. We usually think it's because we lost the weight that we become alive. On the contrary, it's because we come alive that we may lose weight (or we may not.)

We also live in a world that has separated science from the spirit and focuses on a medical model when it comes to weight.

So when you go to the Doctor, they will look at a number on the scale and your BMI and make a judgment about whether or not you need to lose weight. Then they will tell you to go move more and eat less and assume that everything else that ails you is because of your weight. Lose weight and solve all your problems.

And yet, weight can be a symptom of a deeper issue.  Or, as I stated above, the weight could also mean nothing (thus the complexity of this issue). It depends on how you - the person - feel in your body in addition to all the other factors at play in your unique life.  But most doctors don't know or ask us about any of that, they aren't trained to do so.

It is entirely possible that your weight could impact your health, but it's not just your physical weight. The weight of your emotions and spirit need to be taken into consideration as well.

Now some people would say - are you telling me that if I heal my spirit I'll lose weight? And the answer is - maybe. I can't know that because it's your soul's journey.

And for some people, who are so focused on weight as the answer to their prayers, they will immediately say "well if I need to heal my spirit in order to lose weight, then how do I do that?"

But that's the thing, you can't take steps to heal your spirit with weight loss as a goal. It doesn't work that way.

And we have to ask ourselves, what is it that we have been conditioned to believe about being thin that seems more important than being at peace? 

Healing the spirit is about acceptance, and surrender, and self-love.  It's not about being a certain size or number on a scale.

So when you say that your weight is an issue, that makes me very curious and I want to know more. When did that start?  How has it served you to focus on your weight?  How is it holding you back? And what is it that you really want?

Many doctors will say - if you want to improve your health - go lose weight.  And body positive fat activists will say - you don't need to lose weight and it's only the world telling you that you do that is a problem.  And they may both be right - at different times and for different people. And that is also why this issue is complex.

It's not a one-size-fits-all issue (pun intended!) and it doesn’t have a generic solution. Not everyone will be a size XX and not everyone is supposed to be.

This is where I share with people to keep their eyes on their own papers and let go of the dreaded comparison. Sometimes we do it to shame ourselves into action and sometimes we do it in order to look for solutions. "Hey - this worked for her - let me try it!"

But the number one thing you can do in order to heal your relationship with food and body is to go within and practice being at peace with what is and practice being present.  That's when the "solution" that is right for your well being will come to you.

For one person, the solution might be to go find a new job or move somewhere new.  For someone else, the solution might be to take a class, practice art, or nap more. For someone else, the solution might be to find joyful movement or explore food sensitivities. There is an infinite number of possibilities. 

To practice presence may seem wildly dull and ineffective in our culture of go-go-go and do-do-do, but it's your inner wisdom that is going to be able to guide you to what health looks like for you. 

For some people "health" means healing from illness, for some people "health" means accepting illness, for some people there is more aliveness to unlock that has not yet been made available to you and for some people dying is the healing. No wonder no one knows what to do.

Once you are in touch with your inner wisdom, you will know it. Decisions will be easier and easier, choices will feel good, and it will feel good to be in your body. You will also know that it doesn't necessarily mean anything when you don't feel good. 

Fear and doubt will be replaced with love and gratitude. No matter what size body you have.

Rather than focus on a number on the scale, I focus on my aliveness.  I embrace and appreciate my strength and solidness.  I connect with my inner being in order to know what foods to eat and what movements to do (and I am still practicing this!)

My inner being also tells me when I need more rest, when I need more fun, and when I need more connection. When I feel aches and pains I go within to see what the message is and I allow for many different possibilities.

Our body is a finely tuned GPS system - the only requirement is that we get quiet enough to listen to it.  Yet, it's not uncommon for people to ignore their inner voice altogether. They feel exhausted but press on. They feel hungry but don't eat. They need to go to the bathroom but have 5 more emails to finish. They feel sick but finish the ice cream. They feel sad but don't make time to cry. They are pissed off but eat potato chips.

They feel pain and want to fix it without asking the question - what message are you trying to tell me? They feel heavy and blame their weight without considering that there are many, many more explanations and that only their inner wisdom will have the remedy that will bring them the most relief.

What do I want you to know from this? I want you to know that no matter what size body you have, if you don't feel good inside it - feeling good doesn't come from fixing your body, you are not broken. It comes from accessing your soul - an adventure that is available to everyone, no matter what the state of your health may be.

Many people realize this once they get cancer, experience trauma, get divorced, or fired.  But why wait for a crisis to access the aliveness that is available to you now? If you'd like support with making peace with food by expanding your consciousness, you can sign up for a free 30-minute call here. I look forward to hearing your story.

Want to know what a spiritual awakening with regard to food and body looks like? You can check out this article that I wrote for the Elephant Journal.  

Photo by John Barkiple on Unsplash